The Jonah Act

Have you ever been driving down a road and off in the distance the road looks wet but you get there and it's dry as a bone?  Or maybe you've been on a long trip and you come upon hill after hill and then comes the giant hill.  You wonder in excitement what could be just over that next hill.  It could be in anticipation of seeing the ocean for the first time, or a city of lights after a long day of traveling to visit family.  Whatever it is, you just aren't sure, but you are certain it's just over that next hill.
But maybe that wasn't the right hill and the road just keeps going and going.

Life is like that sometimes!  A grand adventure we take with all kinds of twists and turns, hills and valleys, deserts, and spectacular views.  In each of our lives, we live a theme.  God has a purpose for each of us and does amazing things throughout our lives that we don't even realize are happening.  I'd like to share a bit of the theme woven through the tapestry of my life, and give a glimpse into what I have looked back at and seen God preparing my family for.


Children have played an important part of my life.  I "played house" and "pretended school" as a young girl, wrote a poem in middle school about taking care of children, talked about having "a hundred" kids, and wanted to have a career centered around children.  In college, my major was Child Development, though that didn't last long when Freud entered the studies.  I cannot recall exactly what turned me off, but I decided that a secular career with children was not necessarily what I wanted.  Right now, though, I wish someone had encouraged me to stay the course.  Anyway, that is all beside the point.  I am thankful for the wide journey I ended up taking instead!  When I stepped away from my college education to raise my son, I had switched my major to Religious Education.  My thought was to ultimately work in children's ministry or go into curriculum development.  I worked for a Boys and Girl's Club, in daycare, and have taught quite a few children's bible classes, and a few individual homeschool classes in different settings.  Essentially, throughout my adulthood, I have found ways to keep kids the center of my life mission.  My kids, of course are always at the heart of my mission and purpose in everything I choose to do.

For many years now, another aspect pertaining to children has tugged on my heartstrings.

That poem from all those years ago?  Something concerned me about children in troubled places.  I had no education or experience related to child abuse or children in foster care or adopted kids, in fact, I'm not sure if I even knew anyone in those circumstances.  But for some reason, endangered children were on my heart and I wanted to do something about it.  As years marched on and my life took different twists and turns, that poem faded into the background and my life went in different directions.

College came.

Married life began.

and then

Family life began.

We were so young!  21 when my first son was born.  We had so much to learn.  Being a parent was hard and knowing exactly what to expect from my son, what his milestones were supposed to be, and how to be a mom were not easy lessons for me.

We had two more children in the following 6 years.  Being mom had become my thing.  Children were my life!  I was living my dream.

And then, my sister and her husband became adoptive parents.  And they fostered children.  Their mission in life, from my view point, was amazing.  They were inspiring.  My sister taught me so much about being a better mom.

We began encountering families within our church congregations who had adopted, others had fostered.  The number of my friends who were foster/adopt families increased year by year.

I said once, "Oh, I could never do that."  Various excuses and even fears for why my family could not dip our toes "into that kind of life" escaped my mouth.

But their stories tugged on my heart.  I still feared about the kind of difficulties we might face, if I was strong enough to do "that."  But a dear friend showed me a way I could be supportive and encourage different children in foster situations.  We supported my sister in the best ways we knew how.  And I prayed for foster/adoptive families.

Meanwhile, the tugging on my heart was growing in weight.  It became a deep urge.  For about five years, I felt on my heart that God was telling me something.  I put it off, saying no, I am not in the right place, I have made so many mistakes as a mom.  I am not good enough.  I don't have the patience.  I don't have the training.  I worried about my emotional stability.  I worried about my ability to be perfect for a traumatized child.

Did you see all of that?  I, I, I, I, I, I, I!!!  I was making it all about me.

For years, God was trying to show me who he wanted me to be, what he created me for.  He had placed a desire on my heart as a young person to care for children in hard places.  He groomed me by placing the right people in my life to show me the way, to help him direct my path, and to say that it doesn't take perfection.

So, I took some baby steps.  For a couple of years, we took an opportunity to be Santa for a child living in a group home.  I began sitting at the feet of my sister and soaking up every bit of knowledge she would share from her training.  I read blogs about the foster and adoptive life.  Listening to my friends and watching their families showed me what a beautiful life it is. 

More and more, I heard the adoption word. Different situations. I heard it everywhere.  Even if the main message was not directly about adoption, I came away with a lesson in my mind pointing toward an adoption purpose.  I saw images of hurting children everywhere I turned.  "Sponsor these children."  "Pray for these children."  Sermons spoke adoption to me.  Bible classes.  Commercials on the radio (I listen to Christian faith radio stations only.) brought thoughts of adoption.  Even songs were speaking adoption into my heart!

Though, I kept saying, "But I can't do this!"

Post after post scrolled across my screen, foster family there, adoptive family here, a child who needed a family, invitations to help, pleas for people to get involved.  The cries for help were deafening. 

He was telling me that I wouldn't be the one to do this.   HE was going to accomplish his purpose.  God was calling out to me, he provided it all.  The resources to train me were front and center.  The support team was already encircling me.  God said, "Sendy, I don't need YOU to do this.  I am going to work through you because you can follow me!  I already hold you up everyday.  Remember?  Never give up because I am always here! I will never leave you, nor forsake you!  I adopted you!"

I needed to stop acting as Jonah did.

Wow. I was scared.  I still was unsure.  Never really having a conversation with my husband, it was difficult to know how he would respond.

It began with an invitation to an intimate informational gathering at a friend's home.  I told Jeff I was curious, just to listen this time.  We attended, it was primarily about foster care.  A start. Something to open up the floor for discussions here and there.  I could tell we needed a little more time to allow the idea of caring for another child to grow in his mind.  Meanwhile, the messages for me continued and were stronger every month.  One day, I found that I was included in a closed group for foster/adoptive families on Facebook.  How that happened or who added me is unclear, I never found out.  I watched story after story of families in their experiences.  My heart was softening, I felt a desire flickering.

One beautiful Saturday afternoon, Jeff and I went to the local Christian bookstore to look around.  He had a few things in mind that he was looking for.  I went and knew I could find something, book lover that I am. Ha.  Within minutes I found the book I knew that had to come home with us.  "Adopted for Life."  I took it to Jeff and asked what he thought.   I think this is when he realized I was getting pretty serious about this whole thing.  He was not ever opposed to the idea, but I think it just didn't occur to him how much this had been in my heart and in front of me for years. 

We made the purchase.  I began reading... and sharing with Jeff.  Well, that book needs its own post. Hehe

Then one day, a picture of a beautiful young girl stopped my scrolling.  I read about her.  She needed a home.  I knew she was one of thousands of children in need of a home. But here was a face to the need.  My heart ached.  For the first time, I heard myself think, "I could be her mom!"

I could be her mom.   Whoa.  Wait a second.  It was a yes.  I was finally saying yes to what God was calling me to.  It was a strange feeling, but complete peace and confidence flowed through every ounce of me.  We had to do this! 

I responded to the link, sending a message that I was interested.  What did we need to do next? 

Hold your horses, Sendy! 

Oh yeah, there was an orientation to attend.  There were classes to attend.  There was a home study to complete.

And there was family to talk to. 

I showed her picture to Jeff, and told him the date of the next orientation meeting.  We took the kids.  I was excited!  Jeff seemed excited!  And so we talked to each of the kids.   That's where we needed to slow down.  Our kids needed some time to process the idea. We were talking about shaking up their world! Two of them were completely on board from the get go.  The third need a little bit more time to wrap their head around the thought. 

That's okay!  It wasn't overnight that we came to this decision!

It didn't happen over night.  For years, God was working in me, where I was.  He did the preparation.  It was not time 20 years ago.  Time does not exist for Him.  And when I think back over all this time, it really has been a vapor.  Now is good.  Now we are ready.

As we walked toward the building for our initial interview with an adoption specialist, my nerves were firing and butterflies were fluttering.  The words flowed out of my mouth to Jeff's ears: "I feel as though we are driving a road up a hill.  That kind of hill on which you are not exactly sure what could be on the other side.  Way back, the vapor in the air looked like an ocean.  Or it could be a cliff stopping our tracks in place.  Or it could just be a continuing of the road... a long road that never stops.  We are either going to come away stopped by a cliff, traveling down a never ending road, or sailing into the great unknown- skydiving with God in tandem, jumping into the grandest adventure yet.  I'm nervous, Hun, but so very excited."

The Summer Love: Camp!!!

This week, we are preparing for our oldest to go to camp on his own for the first time! I have found myself experiencing those "first-time-mom jitters." It's been quite a while since I have felt this way. I'm so proud of him and I know he will do fine, but I'm still nervous! This week, he needs to get new shoes and some good rain gear. Looking at the forecast for the area, it might rain quite a bit that week! That's another thing that makes me nervous, he's so frightened by them. Hopefully, they will understand his fears.

This camp is one that I went to a couple of times as a child. Camp is always so much fun! Some things I remember about this camp:

the creek
night hike
fun food
"Get your elbows off the table" song
the mountain!
bunk beds in the cabin
tallent night
rain
softball
kickball
bible class
morning calisthenics
volleyball
making friends


I can't wait for him to come home and tell me all about it!

Break is coming!

We are nearly done and our break is coming soon. Hopefully I'll have more time to write during those few weeks. We'll be going on a trip and so I'll definitely have things to write about, along with catching up on our love story blogs.

Later!

Steps in Faith

What use is it, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but he has no works? Can that faith save him? If a brother or sister is without clothing and in need of daily food, and one of you says to them, "Go in peace, be warmed and be filled," and yet you do not give them what is necessary for their body, what use is that? Even so faith, if it has no works, is dead, being by itself. But someone may well say, "You have faith and I have works; show me your faith without the works, and I will show you my faith by my works." You believe that God is one. You do well; the demons also believe, and shudder. But are you willing to recognize, you foolish fellow, that faith without works is useless?

~ James 2:14-20


My heart has been dipped in the love of God. God is speaking to me, urging me, working on me. For the past several weeks, my husband and I have been attending a class in James at our church congregation. As I look back throughout my life, I've always had concerns for those in need, things so much bigger than me. As I consider the creation of my God and Savior, my being becomes so much smaller and I feel so insignificant.

Something is screaming at me, but there is a problem. I'm not sure if I'm hearing the right words. I struggle, I'm confused. The Psalms are comforting to me. But, God, I am screaming for your direction, Father, I need you to listen to me and answer me.

God created everything that is on this Earth. Every tiny ant, every beautiful bird, every majestic flower, every human being. All humans have a heart, we all have good and bad inside of us. There is a fight going on. There has been from the beginning of time, but it feels so strong to me right now. It hurts. God has placed us all where we are, when He needed us to be there. His works have been so evident to me over the last several years and now I can't help but wonder, "God, what are you trying to tell me now? What do you want me to do? I feel your hands pulling me, but where? What is it?"

Yesterday, a young woman came into my life unexpectedly. For some reason, my urge is very stong with her. But there are several warnings that have come to me as well. My questions are so many. We are called to have faith with works. In the end we will be held accountable for what we did and didn't do. What if my calling right now is so much bigger than I can realize and what if this is such a big step in faith? People give me warnings to be safe and careful for our family, I know that. Last night, I was taken back to a time when I possibly met her before. I'm concerned about my family being taken advantage of. But are we to give everything we have to the cause of Christ? I feel this with everything I am. She's so young and on her own. I'm worried for her.

How can we know when God is telling us to do something but all of our faithful friends and family could be saying something entirely different? Is this a step of faith that God needs of me right now in my life? I'm scared to death that one day I will hear the voice of God calling me to do something and not realize it, I'll listen to those who have good thoughts and intentions, but it could be the wrong thing. I'm scared to death of not following, whole-heartedly, God's urging in my life.

What is God saying to me?

This is the Day!

This is the day I married my best friend, TEN years ago! I couldn't be more in love and happier. I'm so excited!

It's amazing how fast the last ten years have gone. I can't believe the day I thought about years ago has come. It's funny to think about what I was dreaming back then, and what is our reality now. We talked about going to Italy for our 10th anniversary (you will read why in a future post about Our Love Story ~ coming soon!), and now, I couldn't think of anything outside of spending today with my family! As I sit here, my oldest is in his room working on writing assignments, and my two youngest are enjoying a movie. Unfortunately, my daughter has caught the stomach bug, so it isn't the happiest of days for her, but we are all enjoying our day together. I've taken what little time I can to reflect and remember that wonderful day, ten years ago...

I've thoroughly enjoyed writing the events that led up to this wonderful day and I've decided to continue the story and write all that I can remember.

Happy March 11th everyone! It is now time for me to go, I've got three beautiful children to watch over and attend to.

TTFN!

She wanted a Heart

If you know me well at all, you'll know I LOVE hearts. When Jeff decided he wanted to look at rings, I mentioned to me him that if possible, I'd like to have a heart in the ring. He wasn't sure if there were any, so he wanted to go looking together.
This was fun! We first went to the mall closest to school. That was a mistake! The first place we went to, one of our friends saw us in there! Thankfully, we played it off and went on our merry ways. After that, we headed down to one farther away from campus, rarely visited by college students. We stopped by three places, I think, and looked at several rings. We had a few salespeople try to get us to purchase one, but that wasn't the goal.

Then, we came to the last place. I spotted the heart and showed Jeff. He found a wedding band he liked. We weren't sure how they could fit together but we liked both of them. Jeff said that was what he wanted to get. The salespeople there were so sweet! They thought we found the perfect fit and they found one last piece to make it a perfect ensemble. Jeff loved it and said that was it.

Here's the funny part, he sent me out the door to wait in the mall. He got the ring right then and there. He told me I shouldn't be around when he got it. He put it away and we didn't talk to anyone about getting it or anything. Now, it was just time to finish school and I had to wait for him to decide when to propose!

I was on pins and needles! I couldn't wait to tell our friends! But I couldn't. I wanted to look at wedding dress books and start dreaming again! My roommate actually asked me if we were engaged and I had to figure out how to get around that one. I don't think she ever believed me. ;) Our group of friends kept telling us all that we should just go for it and they all figured we'd be planning the wedding before school was out. For Jeff, talking to the dad was to come first....

That meant a trip home.

The First Kiss

(Our Love Story continued...)

We had decided, unofficially, that we definitely wanted to spend the rest of our lives loving each other. We had plans of going ring shopping, but that would come later. We were nearing the end of the school year and we didn't want to announce any sort of engagement before Jeff spoke with my Dad. Well, those were mainly Jeff's feelings, he wanted to talk to Dad before even asking me. I knew my parents approved. But he wanted to be formal! We enjoyed so many wonderful moments together. One walk, (it wasn't anywhere special, just outside the dorms out close to the old gym) as we moved forward, dreaming about our future, I noticed the flowers in the grass. They were tiny, but beautiful! There were what seemed like thousands of these beautiful tiny flowers in the grass, and they were purple. The purple and green together was so vibrant and such a wonderful combination to me. On that day, before we announced any engagement, before the ring was even on my finger, we decided on green and purple for our wedding colors. My dreams were coming true! And they were becoming more and more sweet by the day...

Worship services were great that Sunday morning. I was worshiping my Savior sitting next to the second love of my life {after Christ that is ;) }, I was on a double high!

After church let out, Jeff decided he wanted to take me to Jimmy John's (greatest burger place in the OKC metro!). I loved it! I was excited, giggly, bubbly. We were listening to the radio and one of my favorite songs came on (I'm pretty sure it was Footloose). I was singing along, dancing, just like girls do. Meanwhile, Jeff was talking about something. Finally, he stopped and said he'd finish after the song that I probably hadn't heard a single word he said. I stopped right there and told him no, I had heard it all and repeated back to him word for word what he had said. Never again did he question whether I was listening to him. (wish I could still do that!) His jaw dropped and we had a good laugh out of it.

When we pulled into the parking lot, he sat there and stared at the steering wheel. Then he looked at me. He told me how much he loved everything about me. He loved it when I sang in the car, he loved my silliness, he loved ME! Then he looked at me real seriously, and said, "Sendy, I wanna kiss you bad!" I had wondered why he hadn't kissed me yet, but it wasn't that important to me. There we were, sitting in the parking lot (I still remember what parking space it was - second row back, four spaces in) about to have burgers for lunch, our first kiss!

An Official Couple

...continued from previous two posts.

OC had movie nights at the local dollar theatre when OC students could get in to see movies for free. These were popular date nights among us poor folks. And this night, Jeff and I took advantage of the free date once again. We saw two movies that night. One of those movies was Shanghai Knights. Crazy movie, but great time! During the movie, all I could think about was this guy sitting next to me. Oh, we both went through those jittery feelings, "what do I do with my hand?" , "will she freak out if I put my arm around her?" , "Oh, his hand's in the popcorn!" It was so fun. I was going crazy! Nothing happened. I think we were both too afraid. When we left the movie, a couple of our friends were in the lobby and so we decided to stay for another movie with them. Same thing for another 90 minutes! Boy, I'll tell you what, by the end of that night, I was exhausted! (well, my emotions were)

That night after Jeff dropped me off at the dorm, I had those conversations with my gal-friends. I came to the conclusion that this was it. I had to talk to him. I had to know what was going on and where we were! So, I called him. My heart was pounding. I'm pretty sure my hands were sweatty and I wanted to hang up. But I didn't. The conversation was pretty short. He answered, and we talked about how much fun we both had. Then I got to the point of why I called. "Jeff, what is this? Where are we? What are we?" What he said next put a huge smile on my face and gave me that giggly feeling that girls get. I never thought I'd hear a guy say this to me! "Um, Sendy, I want you bad."

That was our beginning! We were an official couple! I couldn't believe it! I still can't believe that he chose me to be his forever girl. Our friends all thought it was about time that we called ourselves a couple. I think that the whole time, they all called us one anyway.

This was either at the end of February or beginning of March. The weeks went by and we spent so much time together. We spent hours talking about our future, what each of us wanted in our future. What we envisioned our family life looking like, our religious views, our political views, our likes and dislikes, how many kids we wanted, where we wanted to live, etc. By Spring Break, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this man. He drove me to Amarillo to meet up with my dad at the Big Texan (you know that place, with the "free" 72 oz. steak!). We ate lunch there with him and had a great time. I still remember looking at the menu with him and figuring out what we wanted to share, the look in his face. My dad watched us. He knew. We didn't say anything, goodness, we had just started dating!

Later, my mom told me that when we got home that evening, my dad told her that they needed to get ready for another wedding. Ha! My parents even knew this was the man with whom I would spend the rest of my life!

Spring Break was great. I don't remember a lot about what I did while there, probably just hung out at home and found some friends to do something with occasionally. What I do remember, is the conversations I had with my mom. I was talking about wedding stuff and future things in my life. Then, my mom said, this wedding better not be before the end of the year! We laughed. I told her that we weren't even engaged, we had just got together, but that I loved him. I did say that I wasnt' sure if he would even think about proposing anytime soon anyway.

After break, school went so fast. Jeff and I spent a lot of time together solidifying our future dreams together. That was it, together, our plans were melding together. We went on bike rides, tons of walks, and several out-of-town drives. One evening, we were coming out of the student center, it was late and dark. He clasped my hand and held it close to him on his arm. As we walked toward the dorms, he told me he felt like we were an old couple, that he loved thinking about us being old together. I think that was when we decided to spend the rest of our lives loving each other.

That week, we went to the malls and looked at rings. But we had to be strategic. Nobody knew!

The Seed Grew

Continued from previous post...

That week, he saw me passing the lunch line and asked if I could do lunch with him. That was fine with me and so I was prepared to get in line and then he asked me if Chili's was good for me. I was completely caught off guard, but was so excited. I wasn't sure though, was this just friends or was it a date? It took me quite a while to finally ask him (after we got married), he had been hoping it was a date too. I told him I had to go back to my room and get ready. On my way there, I called my mom.

My feelings were extatic! I couldn't believe that this man, whom I'd been thinking about over Christmas break, wanted to do something outside of school with me! As I talked to my mom, I told her that I was all fluttery and couldn't stop smiling. I was so thrilled! She was excited for me too and wanted to hear all about it after I got back.

Chili's was nice. We had a great time. The one thing I remembered most was what a gentleman he was, opening doors and making sure I was taken care of. As we got our meals, he proceeded to pray. It touched my heart. I don't remember what we ate, just that it was absolutely wonderful! That day was the beginning of several more days spent together, getting to know one another. We sat next to each other during chapel occassionally, had lunch when we could and tried to find each other during free times we each had. Our friendship was growing so special to me.

A few weeks later, another friend of mine had to take me home for some medical tests. During this drive, this friend of ours tried so hard to convince me that Jeff was head over heals for me! I wouldn't believe it, I thought he was just being friendly, I didn't think he liked me in that way. Then this friend told me about some things I didn't know. He told me that Jeff wasn't happy that he was the one taking me home, Jeff would try to get out of class before he would just so he would be sure to have the seat next to me at chapel. There were a couple other things too, though I don't remember them all. He finally convinced me to call Jeff as soon as we arrived at my parents house. When I called him, I heard a concern in his voice I wasn't expecting. I was, again, taken off guard by this man. That weekend, I took some time to contemplate what was going on.

When I got back to OC, Jeff wanted to take me to WalMart for something (once again, memory has left me here). He was so sweet! I had to be on crutches for a few days and he helped me with so many things.

Somehow I won some tickets to the nearest mini golf and game place. I asked Jeff to go with me. I suppose this was our first offical date. I'm pretty sure it was WPA week at OC. I remember that it was because I was so glad that during the week I was supposed to pay, I didn't have to pay for this one, cuz I had the free tickets! How silly was that. Poor college kids, right!? Ha! Anyway, we went and had a great time. We were the only people there on the golf side. It was the middle of February!!!! I decided to take him on a date to mini golf in February, in Oklahoma! Maybe in Phoenix, but not Oklahoma!!! It was so fun though. We were on at least the 4th hole when Jeff was saying something to me. I couldn't understand him so I went over to where he was and asked him to repeat. When he looked up at me, our faces were inches from each other. As I think back to it, it seems slow motion. He looked at me, I remember his eyes, beautiful! He just stared. I waited and then said, "What was it you were saying?" Silence. Seconds (seemed like a while) of silence, then he stuttered and said, "uh, I guess I was just distracted."
Okay, at this moment, in a movie, the guy would have grabbed the girl and kissed her, or the girl would have leaned in for a kiss. But no. Not me. I had no clue, I was so oblivious (still oblivious as to how much he liked me) and turned around and bounced back to my spot, saying, "Okay!" That was it, our supposed to be first kiss! But the later times were all worth it, and so was the real first kiss.

Oh, you might be thinking this was for Valentine's Day, but it wasn't. As I think about it now, I'm pretty sure this date was more toward the end of February. I was hoping he'd ask me out for that night, but instead he went off to Tulsa to meet up with his brother and sister at a workshop up there. As I found out later, he told them both that he was pretty sure he'd found the girl he wanted to marry. His sister questioned him and wondered if this really could be. As a great big sister should do, she told him to be careful. She is a wonderful woman!

So, after our little date at the mini-golf, we began spending more and more time together. The night that defined it all, when we finally called ourselves a couple is one I'll never forget. But, that's a story for next time!

How this Clover Began

It's 2010. What a year! I'm turning 30 and about to celebrate my 10th anniversary with my husband. This is so exciting! It has been an amazing journey with him.

I remember the first time I met him (well, this is actually debatable - he says we met before this but I don't remember what he does). That's funny. But the first time I'm remembering was in a caffeteria. We were both freshman, about to begin our first year at college. Both of our parents had brought us to school and his had gone on home. One Sunday morning, my parents and I were eating breakfast just before going to worship. A friend of mine was there with us and Jeff walked in. It turned out that he was my friend's roommate. When Jeff walked in, we called him over to sit with us and that is the beginning of our story. We found out through conversations at that table that our mothers were very good friends in high-school.

The following week, we spent quite an amount of time getting to know one another and developing a good friendship. Day after day I looked forward to seeing him and hanging out in the computer rooms together with him. We already had a great past through our mothers and I was hoping that we might have a great future together, be it friendly or otherwise.
Fairly soon, our schedules began going in different directions and our groups of friends were in different zones as well. For most of the semester, we didn't really see each other.
Christmas break came and everyone went home. During those three weeks, my thoughts went back to this young man over and over again. I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to see him. I had to find him.
The first day back at chapel I was talking with some friends and then I heard my name. I looked up and my heart jumped. I saw him. He had seen me from across the auditorium and yelled out my name. He ran over to me and gave me the biggest hug I had ever had, I can still feel the flutters in my heart today that I felt then. It was amazing. Each day got better. I had no idea what was about to come.